Letter from Boris

Dear MANUEL,

There are a few, unique occasions in life that warrant genuine joy and wonderment. Births, marriages, lottery wins and without doubt the day Gordon Brown gives his last press conference as Prime Minister.

There are also a few, unique occasions in life that warrant genuine fury and despair. The headlong, kamikaze dive of the buttered side of toast, descending majestically earthwards. The fact that Gordon Brown is still Prime Minister. Or the tie chewing rage caused by being penned into one side of the road, engine running with nowhere to go as the other side is coned off, a gaping hole unattended.

Lately, it seems as if the fly diggers have slipped in by night and taken over the city. They're everywhere you turn and they are the scourge of us all. When I was elected, I promised to launch a holy war on holey streets. Well, this week I was able to announce the start of, if not a war, then what the U.N would call a diplomatic offensive.

It all started one Sunday many months ago. I was required to drive across London for an official event. The journey was hell. I came across hole after hole, unmanned, impenetrable. I was so furious at the delay that I summoned my transport officials the next morning and demanded to know what was going on. They scurried away, and soon returned with a large map of London, a constellation of dots spread across it. The dots, they explained, represented each roadwork site that they didn't previously know about that weekend. They were as flabbergasted as I was.

The problem, they said, was that under existing rules, any utility company can roll up, start digging and ask questions later. At no stage are they required to ask permission. Yes, they have to notify us, but this is often done with about three days notice. Or none at all, as was the case that weekend. How could they be allowed to get away with this?

Emboldened by my righteous anger, I summoned every Chief Executive of all the utility companies into my office to demand an explanation. Sensing the Mayoral fuse was short, they readily acknowledged that, as a New Labour minister would say, more could be done.

Flowing from that showdown overlooking the Thames, this week I was able to announce that indeed, more will be done. Thames Water get the most brownie points for agreeing to start 'plating' some of their sites. This means cars can literally drive over holes dug in the road when they're not being worked on. All the companies have signed up to a Code of Conduct, agreeing to do things like putting up signs explaining who they are and who to shout at, and work out of peak hours where possible.

The most technocratic, but easily the most significant promise was to start preparing for a permit scheme. Once the Government gets it act together and approves a formal permit scheme, the companies will be ready to implement it from day one. This will mean that every time they so much as look at a shovel, they will need to get our sign off first.

The code is self policing, so as much as I would like dish out eye watering fines, I can't. But the companies have approached this in good faith, and they know the eyes of Londoners are on them. I will be holding them to account on their promises, and I need your help. If you come across an enigmatic hole, and there is no sign or no explanation as to why it seems to have been abandoned get in touch and report it.

Hopefully, they will up their game. And then the only thing you need rage about is why Gordon Brown is still in office.

Let me know your thoughts by commenting on the Blue Blog.

All the best,
Boris Johnson